Why Self-Care?

The most important relationship is the one we have with ourselves.

You are the only person who can truly take care of your body and mind (BodyMind). Each moment provides an opportunity to bring our attention back to the breath and to the sensations in our bodies. The practice is to feel whatever sensations arise without judgment or interpretation.

This can be challenging when we experience gripping tension in the shoulders from sitting at the computer for hours, or it could be joyful as we feel more expansiveness in our hearts after meditation. Our body is tirelessly communicating what it needs and working to stay in a state of homeostasis. Each moment we intentionally decide how we take care.

The metaphor of Indra’s Net in Buddhism illustrates the interconnected nature of all things. Indra’s Net symbolizes life as a web of connections, wherein every element is both a manifestation of the whole and inseparable from the whole. The Net is said to be infinite, spreading endlessly in the ten directions. At each node of the Net, there is a jewel, and within each jewel is the reflection of all other jewels within the net. If there is a change in one jewel, the effect ripples and is felt throughout all of the jewels. Within each jewel, all jewels exist; no jewel is in isolation.

We are not separate from each other or our environments. We are already and always connected.

How does this relate to self-care? The metaphor of Indra’s Net reminds me that making time for ourselves to take care of our bodies and minds is not a selfish practice.

By taking care of ourselves, we are also taking better care of our relationships with others, our work, and our communities.

At the beginning of my self-care journey, I noticed a thought pattern that kept arising: “I don’t need to dedicate specific time for self care practices; I know how to take care of myself; this seems like a selfish way to be spending large parts of my day.” Wow. Ultimately I was grateful for this repetitive thought train, as it was pointing me toward uncovering my resistance.

I was holding a view that taking care of myself was both selfish and a waste of time.

When I said this out loud to a dear friend, the look in his eyes directed me inward once again and served as motivation to just begin. To take simple, gentle steps each day. I started making herbal adaptogen tea blends, using essential oils for relaxation and purification, giving concentrated attention to the foods my body was asking for, taking longer walks, and laying in the grass each day. When these habitual thoughts inevitably arose, I would notice them, give them space, let them go, and continue on with the small practices I was committed to doing each day.

During this time in my life, I was experiencing a lot of daily stress from work and relationships. My self-care practice focused on supporting my body, particularly on helping my nervous system relax.

I was wholeheartedly committed to this, as I was desperate to find a way to cope with stress, and be able to handle difficultly with ease and grace.

Every day, for 2 years, I cooked Chinese herbs in the big Zen kitchen, sat many hours of Zazen (meditation), walked in the mountains, wrote in my black moleskine journal, lit candles, lay in the grass, experimented with food, applied essential oils, made tea, read books on anatomy and movement, cooked vegetarian food, and had tea with my Dharma friends.

My view gradually started to shift and new habits formed. Self-care practice is now something I do several times a day, every day.

When views are held lightly, they can flex to create a new framework for how we see the world. A flexible mind, that does not hold views too tightly, is key to reducing suffering.

How to begin the path of self-care …

What views do you hold around self-care? A way to explore this is to ask yourself what comes to mind when you hear the words “self-care?” What associations do you have? If you were to explain to a friend that you were embarking on a path of self-care, how would you feel? What arises? Take note, write it down. You may discover you’ve already been practicing self-care. This should be celebrated and can be used as a foundation for your journey forward. By being able to name a practice, like self-care, we can concretely notice when we engage in these rituals in our daily lives.

As a starting point, it’s important to concretely notice what views we hold. Be honest!

Perhaps the next question is to ask yourself how do you want to feel in the morning when you wake? During the day at work? In the evenings when you are alone or with loved ones? Do you want to feel more relaxed, energized, aware, connected, engaged, refreshed, present, calm? Write it down.

Are you ready to commit to taking care of yourself, in simple ways, every day?

Remember: Gentle Leaps.

Gentle means to be kind with ourselves. Soft. To inquire into what we need each day, not to demand or expect that we feel a certain way.

Gentle Leaps is not about creating another to-do list and checking off that you made tea and sat 10 minutes of meditation. No! It’s about inquiring into what your BodyMind needs each day and doing something that will nourish you. The practices in this blog can take 10 minutes or 2 hours, it’s up to you!

What will nourish you today?

Check in with yourself – sit down in a quiet space for 5 minutes and notice what arises. Bring attention to the sensations in your body. Do your shoulders feel tight? Is there a constriction in your chest? A knot in your stomach? These sensations mean that your body is trying to tell you something. Perhaps the tightness in your shoulders is related to feeling stress because of a deadline at work; or the tightness in your chest is related to an unpleasant interaction you had with your partner last night.

To inquire, without judgment or expectations is a craft. To just listen. To be your own best friend. Then to respond to what your body is asking for.

Perhaps this means to offer to make tea and ask your partner how they are feeling about the unpleasant interaction? Perhaps this means to carry a lavender & rose essential oil blend in your bag for when you are feeling overwhelmed at work – you could step outside, sit down, apply the scent to your wrist, and find nourishment and calm in that moment.

Only you know what you need. It’s about developing the ability to listen to your body and respond.

This is why self-care is a practice. It is a practice that unfolds each day for the rest of your life. How exciting is that?

The complexity of our lives can sometimes feel overwhelming. I hope that by bringing your attention to the practice of taking care of yourself, you will find more ease and joy each day.

My own path has taken me to places that I never expected. I would love to hear from you in the comments below about how your journey began. What practices do you find nourishing? What obstacles arise that prevent you from starting a new self-care routine? How do you think we can best support each other in this journey?

A community of likeminded people is invaluable, thus I hope to begin a dialogue and network of support throughout this blog. Now it’s time for me to have another cup of slow tea.