I recently wrote a post called Sitting in the Fire which is about the challenges of transformation and the gifts that arise out of that in response to the covid pandemic.
As a new mother, I also felt that it was relevant to look at this through the lens of motherhood, and more specifically the transition from maiden to mother.
This transition requires that we push past our perceived limits, dig deep, and sit in the fire (read more about what that mean here). The beautifully unique experience of becoming a mother can also feel like sitting in the fire some days. Your limits are tested, capacity seemingly reached. Yet, day after day, you continue. You persevere. You find more energy. You continue to give selflessly to your small baby. Your heart grows and you feel love in a way you have never experienced. Becoming a mother is complex.
As a new mother, I am truly amazed each day at my own capacity. After 4 months of disrupted and sleepless nights, I am still functioning. After so many of my ideas, plans, and dreams did not manifest, I let go and adapted.
I’ve found it to be important to talk about these other aspects of motherhood in an open way. The beautiful (and often staged) photos on social media only depict some of the moments of motherhood. Often the carefully curated moments to depict a scene that is not really reality.
The reality: Babies cry. So do moms. Mom’s have spit up on their shirts most days. Figuring out how to help baby sleep is a never-ending game of trial and error for many. Fitting in a daily shower is a struggle. Cooking nutritious meals can often only be accomplished with help from a partner or friend. Ten minutes of self care each day can be a stretch.
The deep work of transitioning from maiden to mother must also unfold simultaneously to diaper changes and cluster feedings. Re-configuring your life as a mother. Allowing and accepting all of these changes which happened overnight. Mourning your single self. Allowing the unconditional love to flow and not be stifled by the sleep deprived haze that you are functioning in. Trusting yourself and baby, and not the internet or all the baby books. It’s a lot. A lot. Wow.
It’s supportive to say these things out loud. To your partner, a friend, a family member, a therapist. Someone. Sitting in the fire is something we must do alone. But this does not mean we are alone. Find your tribe and connect with other mothers. This can be through text, online support groups, mama groups, and social media. Finding your tribe is not as easy as it may seem either. Not all groups are the same – you must find one where you feel comfortable to be open and vulnerable, and where your values are respected and ideally shared.
I’m sharing this here because I’ve found as a new mom, many of these things are not spoken about. We share the sweet newborn pictures of baby sleeping, baby’s first smile, a family walk. Yet you rarely, if ever, see photos of meltdowns, mamas bouncing on yoga balls for hours with baby, or projectile vomit all over the rug.
Becoming a mother is a sacred ritual. One to be celebrated and acknowledged deeply by your bodymind. It’s a beautiful experience and also complex. I truly have never felt these sensations of love that I did when my son was born. It’s like my heart opened, expanded, and radiated into the rest of my body. I’m grateful to have had this experience in this lifetime.
I hope to open up a safe space on Gentle Leaps where mamas can also speak about the challenges faced when transitioning into motherhood and what the early months are like. It’s not easy. But you got this! We are strong, resilient, and have great capacity to sit in the fire! If this resonates with you, please drop a comment below.
For more support check out my eBook on Preparing for Postpartum & Baby for Natural Mamas. Gentle Leaps friends.
Sitting in the Fire – the Ground of Transformation